I hate the fact that everyone think i am just an useless nobody which nobody freaking cares what or how i feel deep inside and which everybody thinks i am just a freaking extra jerk which nobody needs...

and yes, I am Pathetic...

and here i am

standing and sitting and sulking and lying down and everything

im damn bored right now at home

waiting for any call or anyone to ask me out to anywhere

which i guess its not gonna happened any way

i guess everyone right now thinks im a jerk

anyway who wants to remember someone like me?

i mean im just a nobody

not like those people who are so damn popular

like Izzuan or everyone else

people asked me to cheer up but how can i?

people keep on pushing me down, bringing me to a new low where i don't know if i can bring myself up

somewhere i just hope people can accept me for who i am

appreciate me for the things i do

a simple thank you would also do

how much it would bring a smile on my face

i just hope that is someone out there who can be my hero

or even a heroine...i just hope

alot happened last week...

went to malacca last two weeks friday

i swear i ate alot during the kampong days

especially the nasi lemak

cannot take it! sedap....

it was especially great when both my Wak Ibah, Wak Imah and Wak Wahid an their family tagged along too

it was a blast,definitely...

how i wish it was longer even though

last week wednesday

eurythemics had an outing to Sakura's at Clementi

enjoyed myself to the max with the family

hahahs

jokes went around, including the food of course

the food was delicious!

what did you expect from a buffet place

hahhas

went home very late though

terrible!

had two matches last week too

but i kinda don't wanna talk about it

both of the matches were terrible

hahhaahas

ohh yeah! i forgot to mention

finished reading the twilight series!

wonderful work by Stephanie Meyer

hahhaha!

well see you people soon though!

byes!

Have you ever wondered how huge the world is?

how every corner seems to be a place for learning?

and at the same time it somehow makes you cry at its beauty?

i really want to travel around the world and see the scenes of the world which treat the senses into incredible sensations!

well i guess that got to wait

just thinking again

about what has happened to me this past year

just remembered how many people i pissed off in 2009

damn

how i wished that those days would change

i regret doing them of course

i admit i was being childish

i just wish i could take it all back

i mean

who doesn't?

all i could ever wish is that i am forgiven

i know im one who keeps on raking up the past

but sometimes what they say is true

the past will haunt you one day

im just worried that people will keep grudges against me

i don't wanna make any more enemies

seriously

i really hope people accept my apology

im so dearly sorry...

Syazwan, you need to learn to accept yourself , before others can accept who you are. Who you wanna be, is where you wanna stand in this world. I know it’s not easy to be adaptable to changes. I found it difficult too. I struggled. We have to.

To be honest, I was afraid of changes that will take place once I stepped into polytechnic. New friends. New environment. More enemies. But then, thinking of who I wanna be, I started to realise that I should make an aim.make only one aim cos when there’s too much, you don’t know where to start. So what’s my aim? To enter the local university into the course that I wanted (psychology) . Relationship will stop for me for awhile. My dreams, my future cant wait. I shouldn’t care what others have to say,I know its hard, but I believe I’ll make it through the hardships.

I cant expect anyone to accept my flaws, cos I don’t accept theirs too, sometimes. And that, I’ll have to be understandable that we’re humans. We are imperfect, that’s why we are here to polish ourselves and try to be perfect.life is never hard. Don’t push it hard on yourself, you’ll just make the going harder.

Instead, be there for yourself. Trust your instincts. Know what you want. And appreciate little things that people made for you and you’ll be the happiest man on Earth. Its okay to be childish sometimes, its human nature. Pamper yourself. Make yourself feels good. Not so difficult. For example, treat yourself a dinner that you want instead of what is the least expensive in the menu or maybe, buy the pencil that cost 10 dollars. Cos you deserved the best ;) that’ll make you happy, for shure.

If you don’t love yourself, then who will? Mother theresa would. Too bad, she’s dead :P well anyway,my kiyai taught me something- the power of zero.

He said “ power of zero- mengosongkan semua fikiran dari kotoran-kotoran apapun, serta khayalan yang negatif ,hilangkan semua beban dahulu ,rileks, atur pernafasan , dan munculkan sifat positif ,maafkan sesiapapun yang pernah bersalah,yang pernah mengecewakan,mencederai dan yang pernah melukakan. Lupakan semua itu.Dan tanggalkan pakaian dunia,jabatan, maupun kekayaan, dan pakailah pakaian yaang telah dianugerahkan oleh Allah ,yaitu iman, keikhlasan dan ketaqwaan”

thank you Asyqah...

Its not any one fault for the place i am today

eventhough being who i am right now has made me very down and useless and apparently, disabled,

im not going blame anyone for it

its my destiny and im accepted it

i hate to admit it but im happy for once

but that happiness not fulfill just yet

it seems very empty to me

and i feel scared

not being to fill up that single hole to brim and forever full whenever

im afraid o what the future holds me

what it has in store for me

i wanna stand tall but being pull down by the negatives of everyone around me

i just wish it would stop right now and right here

it hurts so much

thats why i have to hold that burden alone

not him or her,not even you

i am responsible for what i am, never you

never will you be feeling how i am cause its never you who should hold the negatives

its just me

i just hope you understand that

i love you so ever much

i want to hold you in your arms and hold you so tight

but i gotta let you go

cause this isn't your blame

this is never your fault

its was never you

it was me

so this is why you must promised me

never to fall in love with me

please....

Hahahhas its march!

and here comes a whole month of doing nothing but stare at empty spaces

im jobless again after finishing my assignment at NTUC

it was a great experience being there and i regret leaving

they were a great group of aunties and uncle i have ever met

hahhas anyway wanna concentrate on getting better at my football and getting my fitness back

i am a huge lump of fats right now

hahahahs ouh well

pay was a great ad not thinking of using it yet

wanna save up for something huge unfortunately

my hope for this month is to watch as many movies i can get my hands on and unfortunately finish reading breaking dawn

hopefully!

nothing much to say actually due to more boredom instead of fun flooding in my life now

going for a medical check up tday

so lets all see how it goes heh?